How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
