I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize