I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
