It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
