More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
