you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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