i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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