I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
