The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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