Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
