tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
