how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
