I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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