Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
