Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
