his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
