You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
