sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
