Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
