I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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