Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
