i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize