How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
