You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
