We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there is glitter all over my balls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
