Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
