I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
