dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
