I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
