why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had sex on a roof
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
