if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
