I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
