You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
there is puke in my bra ... again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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