Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
