my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
