I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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