Pappa wants mamma naked
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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