dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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