chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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