i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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