Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
