Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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