I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
