What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
