My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
