Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
