I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize