please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
