Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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