I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
