Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let's get the cat blown out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
