Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
