ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
