Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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