Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
