I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
