he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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