omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
