i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
