I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
