I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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