if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
