theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
