I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize