so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
