remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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