Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
