You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
