please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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