nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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