Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
