some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
