He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
