This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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