Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
