its not stalking. its research.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
