Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
