Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
