Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
