My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I deserve this hangover.
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