weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
