Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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