the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
