that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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