Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
