hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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