Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
