I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
