I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
