I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
