Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize