his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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