Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He better not be in your backpack
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
