I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
