VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
