He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
