Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
